-=a penny 4 my thought?..haha=-

...the girl at the 6th floor...

2009-09-11T02:21:00.000-07:00

She was just sitting there. People passing her by yet she seemed so absorbed, staring blankly at the wall. As if she did not notice the guys looking at her as they passed by. Not even her professor who asked if she was alright. She just kept staring blankly… seemingly unfeeling. From a distance, i looked at her. Who is this girl who seemed so lost in her own world? Why do tears run down her cheeks so freely? And then, she wiped them. As if waking up from a trance she stood up, looked around and stared at me. I looked away. I didn’t want to seem so rude to be staring at her crying face. When i looked again, she was gone. I dismissed that scene from my mind. The day went fine. I went from one class to the next forgetting about the girl in the hallway. It was already dark when i decided to leave school for home. As i moved to leave the students' lounge, i heard someone crying. I listened again and there was only silence. I went around the corridor opening every classroom door. In the last room, i pushed the door. It was dark. I flicked on the lights and to my horror, there was a girl hanging lifeless at the far end of the room. One end of the rope was tied around her neck and the other end was tied on a ceiling pipe. She was just hanging there… her bloodshut eyes were wide open… Color has left her face, her wrists were bleeding, her cheeks streaked with tears. At that moment, i didn’t know what to do. My knees became weak. I slumped down, staring at her at the lifeless body hanging there. Tears started to trickle from my eyes and then… i screamed… I got up, run down the stairs. From the 6th floor, i got to the 5th floor… i kept running down the stairs and reached the 4th floor… already weak and tired… i was still screaming… i kept running til i noticed i was back at the 6th floor… i ran down again and once i reached the third floor, i would notice that i was back at the 6th floor. It was then that i realized,…i was only dreaming…. hahaha!.. i woke up with my heart racing so fast… t’was a freaky dream… haha…. but i can’t quite forget the girl’s face though…

The dance of life

2009-09-10T11:36:00.000-07:00

THE DANCE OF LIFE

There were two hearts who met in a dance. That moment was magical. There was a sweet song playing, there was harmony. And soon, love was in the air. They fell in love and started building castles in their dreams and promised of forever with all certainty… but somewhere in the midst of the fun, they got lost in the dance. Something went wrong but they can never do anything. They were just drifting away, their fortress falling apart. There were so many questions but no one had an answer. Then, the music stops… and there was silence.

When we truly love someone, we give our best and let that person see the pureness of our intentions. But, sometimes that person makes us cry and hurts us for the wrong reason. That someone must have loved us enough to make him stand for what he truly felt. Now you’re faced with a seemingly impossible task of forgetting. We have burdened ourselves long enough but still we can’t get out of this emotional trap.

Let us remember that the more we try to forget someone we love, the more painful letting go it becomes. Sometimes, we never have to take that person out of our hearts at all for he will always be there no matter how hard you try to drive him away. It isn’t his presence that makes this difficult. It is our stubbornness to accept our destiny that aligns forgetting next to impossible.

We keep a cold face but deep in our hearts, there is still that lingering hope for reconciliation…

Somehow, we still believe that we can rekindle small embers and relight the fire that once burned in our hearts. This thoughts gives us hope but it also breed us the seeds of loneliness and despair.

The only way to forget is to accept and the only way to move on is to look ahead and let the footprints of the past be blown by the wind of time. Only then can our hearts find a partner in the dance of life and hopefully, never get lost again.

Echoes of our hearts

2009-09-10T11:32:00.001-07:00

Sometimes we close our eyes and just listen to the echoes of our hearts. We all fall in love and there are times when we love so much that we lose ourselves in our own emotions. More often than not, we wonder why there are love that grows and love that grows cold. We would start to search for answers and try to find where love has gone wrong. But in the end, we find ourselves where we started for we cannot question love for it has its own reasons. Love will always be as it always has been… silent, mysterious and deeply profound.

Many of us believe that love is forever, that love never dies, only to be disillusioned in the end when we find our hearts empty and longing. We mistakenly look at love as a need to be fulfilled. But love is only a gift given to us. We should not hold it in our heartts and in our hands for we may never find the strength to let it go, when it finally decides to leave. We should only embrace its warmth and glow while it lasts and then freely open our arms when it’s time to say goodbye. When we fall in love with someone, we don’t want that feeling to end, for it is everything that we wanted to be. We pray that love will stay and grow in our hearts. But if it doesn’t then we should never let our lives be taken by it, for life should not end where heartaches begin.

There is always a reason why we have to move on. When we have to say goodbye to the feelings we wanted to stay forever, let us not wave our hands with a heavy heart. For love will have to set its wings free and find the place where it belongs. We may have lost it but then again, when we close our eyes and listen to the echoes of our hearts, we will hear that the feeling resounding silently forever. Then will we know that it has never left us, for the good that we have become because of love, will always stay. It will always be there reminding us that we should be thankful and happy, not beause we have lost love, but because for once in our lives, that feeling lived in our hearts and made us happy…

the tragedy of love

2009-09-10T11:31:00.000-07:00

They say that only time can heal the wounds of a broken heart. Time makes it easier to accept the loss of people we love. It is a chain that all of us go through— falling in love and getting hurt, getting hurt and vowing not to love again, promising not to love again and becoming miserable all our lives. It isn’t getting up on our feet after a crippling fall, but there is just no other way but to stand up and move on. Nobody wants to become unhappy all his life. All of us know how love can bring magic into our lives. Have you ever realized how good it feels waking up in the morning knowing that somewhere out there, there’s a person who is also thinking of you and feels exactly the same way you do? Doesn’t it feel good looking forward to being with that person and spending memorable moments with him? Love brings joy beyond compare and that warm and sparkling glow in each of us. Love brings us to the top of the world where we can conquer just about any obstacle that may come along our way. It is a great feeling and there’s probably nothing else in this world that can compare to this.

There may be many of us who felt that love has passed us by and finding someone we can share our lives with seems to be such a remote possibility. We watched our trains go by as time swiftly drifts away from us. We may be in and out of our lives but we feel somewhat helpless in our relationsips. There is nothing permanent in this world and not even those we cherish so much to be with us forever. There’s no guarantee that comes with loving. It is always a risk in getting involved with someone. But it is a risk we have to take if we want to find real happiness. There is no gain without pain, there is no permanence without commitment and there is no lasting love without constant sacrifice. The tragedy of love is in getting hurt. The tragedy of getting hurt is in not wanting to love again, and the tragedy of not wanting again is in being alone all our lives. If it is what we want to be, then we could just stay in our shell and be miserably forgotten. But if it is love we choose then there is the promise of a new life, joy in being able to share that life with someone and the hope of finding something beautiful ang keeping it forever.

...til death do us part...

2009-09-10T11:09:00.000-07:00

…he got me out of bed… i wondered what he needed this time… i slipped on a pair of jeans and pulled out a blue jacket from my already messy closet… i slipped it over my white shirt and grabbed my white sneakers from under the bed.. quietly, i opened my window and slipped out of the house unheard… my phone beeped… another message from him… telling me this time to hurry… i replied that i was on my way… he still haven’t told me what was going on… but like the many times he asked me to see him in the late hours of the evening, i did not bother to get his explanation until i got there… i hailed a taxi and gave directions to where we would rendezvous… a few minutes later, i arrived at the place… he was waiting there for me… he was alone… wow… this is a first… usually he’d have his whole crew waiting out with him… this must really be important… i approached him… and as i got closer, i noticed how pale he seemed… i asked him what’s up… he smiled at me… pulled me close and hugged me… he looked at me again, his eyes searching mine… he smiled at me, then he kissed me like he never did before… it was a moment that i would always remember, this i told myself… afterall, he never was the sweetest guy i’ve dated… he seemed so different… i smiled and looked at him… i asked him again what was up… why did he seem so sweet to me all of a sudden… "did you wake me up in the middle of the night just to kiss me?" i joked… he said nothing and smiled back at me… he hugged me again as if he would never let me go… i felt worried this time… glad that he was being so sweet, but worried that something’s wrong… i did nothing… neither of us said anything… we lingered for what seemed like a long time… he sighed… held my face… then he said "i love you"… his lips touched my ears, he whispered… "but we can’t be together anymore… i’m sorry…" he moved away, looked at me again then walked past me… i watched him walking out of my life… with so many questions left unanswered… i woke up the next day… i must have been dreaming… then i looked at myself in the mirror… i was wearing a blue jacket, a pair of jeans and white sneakers… my face was streaked with tears… i didn’t know how i got home that night… only the memory of him walking away remained in my mind… i looked again at myself in the mirror… i can see the sadness in my eyes… the color drained from my cheeks… the blood on my wrists… i turned to my bed… and saw myself… lying… lifeless… i killed myself… then my phone rang… after a couple of rings, it took on the automatic answer mode… then on the other line was his bestfriend… "hi… it’s me… are u there? i had to call you… it’s important that you get here… i texted you last night to meet up with me but you didn’t come… something happened to him… a fight broke out in the club last night and he was shot… we got him to the hospital but he didn’t make it… but he asked me to tell you he loves you and he’s sorry you can’t be together anymore… i’m so sorry…"
…then a message flashed on my phone’s screen… "hi hon, let’s meet up… will wait for u…(^^,)"

...thinking out loud

2009-09-10T11:08:00.000-07:00

…here’s something to think about…
…Why is it that whenever we invite our friends to our birthdays or any other important events in our lives, they have a gazillion reasons not to be able to make it. Everybody’s so busy with their lives that attending a party is the least of their concerns. Who can blame them? I mean, parties are there all year round. We can always go to the next event when were not too busy, right? That’s just a fact of life.
…but, i wonder… how come when a person dies, there’s no need for an invitation for friends to be there. No matter how busy they are with their own lives, they would make time for the “friend” who went on ahead. Too bad the person can no longer enjoy those moments with his/her friends.
…why is it so difficult to gather those people important to you when you were still alive? it’s like what my teacher kept telling us before, “People give the most beautiful flowers to a person when he or she’s dead… they give candles, prayers, time and effort when the person can no longer appreciate those acts… people constantly worry about their lives, yet they take “life” for granted…”
…I guess we don’t really notice these things because, who in their right mind would think of a friend’s demise? i mean, we would always think and wish that our friends would always be there. Who would think that their friend would be dying anytime soon? We rarely accept their invitations because we believe that their would always be a next time… after all, birthdays happen year after year after year.
…It is not that we do not know what we have until it is gone from us. We always know it, but we just never thought that we would actually lose it.
…they say, we only live once…so make the most out of it…
…we only die once… and it is at this once in a lifetime event that is often a complete gathering…

...to have loved and lost...

2009-09-10T11:07:00.000-07:00

…i fought so hard for the man i love and tried to save a relationship that was already dead to from the start… yet i gave up so easily on that one thing that could have been the most beautiful chapter of my life…
…i’ve done so many dumb stuff in my life but this one probably takes the cake… it depresses me yet i grew strong… i was hurt so bad but the pain woke me up… i’ve been wounded and the reality of it all led me to heal…
…i will always remember that day… September 4, 2009…

"Ngayong Wala Ka Na" Behind the Scenes

2009-07-20T13:28:00.000-07:00

..."Ngayong Wala Ka Na"...

music video

-=behind the scenes=-

...One of the best things about making a music video is during the shoot... and this is the "behind-the-scenes" of the music video, "Ngayong Wala Ka Na". Equipped with only a handheld video cam, a vidcam tripod/stand, mp3/music player and a bottle of gin and a pack of cigarette, our crew went on to shoot on location. Footages were taken at the ruins of the Diplomat Hotel, at the Heaven's Garden Memorial Park, at T.I.C., Lokkito_uno's crib and of course, the director's (Cee) and the editor's (Aey) crib (where most of the drinking sessions took place). Come to think of it, there were more drinking sessions that took place than the video shoot...haha...

...Well anyway, this clip was created by Wincee, the co-editor of the music video. Baguio's Pride truly has a lot of talents. Not only can they do rap music, they can also direct, create and edit a video to the caliber of professional film editors. Yaheard!! haha...

Baguio's Pride presents: Ngayong Wala Ka Na music video...

2009-07-19T18:15:00.000-07:00

....Ngayong Wala Ka Na... music video...

.... This is BP's (Baguio's Pride) tribute to Mac and Xavier... homies who passed away. Mac died 2 years ago from a gun shot wound at the age of 21. Xavier died last March 3, 2009 from a motorcycle accident. The lyrics to the song is the own composition of Suwaill and his brother J-Crucito written originally for Mac Rosero. The music video for this song was directed by Cee and edited by Aey. Other Baguio's Pride artists featured in this video are Bizzyburn, Aey, Cee, SunnyBoi, Julio, Wincee, Lokkito_uno, Trigga, Rhaine, Apong, Maru, Marco, Mikoi... The ladies seen in this video are: Steph, RCee, Nadine, Shai, Keexa, and me (mimitoot).

....BP...Baguio's Pride... my new family... my new friends... my new homies... I have only been with them for a short time but i have already come to appreciate and respect who they are and what they do. They are not just ordinary G's, they are also artists... and very talented ones too. They are able to spit out rhymes at the drop of a pin so to speak. They are able to express themselves freely through verses. But, it is not what they do that make them stand out from the rest. It's the respect they give to other people and to themselves that's truly amazing. Their loyalty towards their group is priceless. Their dedication and passion to their craft is unbelievable. And with that, i think that they really are the pride of Baguio rap community...

....eun ang malupet na intro... haha... wag ng kumontra, bawal... and drama eh noh... cge, just watch out for upcoming songs and videos by Baguio's Pride... hell yeah!... nakiki toonying na din ako... haha...

"Ngayong Wala Ka Na"

Artists: Suwaill and J-Crucito w/ Baguio's Pride

Director: Cee

Editor: Aey

Co-editor: Wincee

Executive Producer: Mimi (haha...epal)

Co-Producer: Bizzy Burn

BP Freestyle '09

2009-07-18T18:14:00.000-07:00

...freeverse BP style... hehe...

...We were just having some fun here while drinking over at Mcoy's crib. It was sooo funny especially when Mcoy's brother who is a rocker started to join in the game...

...My drinking buddies at that time were Suwaill, Wincee, Julio, Mcoy, Pao, Leo, and Mcoy's brother (i kinda forgot his name...hehe... but he was super funny...). I can't rap so I just took the video and kept laughing my ass off... haha...